We hoteliers hear lots and lots and lots of complaints. It's part of the job really, and at some point you develop a sort of standard reply for every different kind of complaint you can get.
The most popular:
Guest: I don't like my room (either the view, the number of beds, the size, the location).
Reply: your room type (or whatever) is not guaranteed. We only guarantee that you have a room. (People don't really like that answer usually. But it's the truth.)
Guest: I didn't order that movie (um, yeah you did, we even know you ordered Fuck My Wife Please and watched it for 8 minutes but who are we to argue).
Reply: I will remove that from your bill sir.
Guest: I am not paying for this phone call (who uses hotel phones anymore? They are notoriously overpriced.)
Reply: I can take off 40% (this is after we show them that they did indeed make the call to Ireland or somewhere fucking far but they keep screaming about the $500 bill so after while we wear down).
Anyway, this complaint takes the cake, and the most disturbing part of this is that it's not uncommon!
Guest: The water level is too high in the toilet and my balls are getting wet.
Reply: Uhhhh
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